The 5 types of orgasms – and why you might not have had one

Today marks National Orgasm Day, and what better way to celebrate than to make sure we are all (cli)maxing out on the big O?

For many people out there, orgasms don’t come naturally – and you’d be totally forgiven for thinking that it’s odd to not have one.

After all, Hollywood has made us believe they are more common than they are. In The Ugly Truth, Gerrard Butler’s character advises Katherine Heigel on flicking her bean; in American Pie Kevin learns how to please his girlfriend Vicky; and, of course, let’s not forget Sex and the City’s iconic queen, Samantha Jones, and the time she claimed she climaxes every time. Every. Time.

But what if we told you that there are many different types of orgasms – and there’s actually really simple reasons as to why you may not have been climaxing the way you want to?

According to Elisabeth Neumann, User Research Manager & Qualified Sexologist at Lovehoney, ‘There are so many types of orgasms women can experience by stimulating different erogenous zones.

‘Understanding these can enhance your sexual experience when going solo and also improve intimacy with your partner.’

Elisabeth goes on to divulge the different orgasms on offer, including the standard clitoral and vaginal orgasms – while you could also be sexually stimulated via the cervix (among others!)

Research shows that just 15% of women can orgasm during penetrative sex alone – but that number jumps to 46% when using a sex toy.

When it comes to people struggling to achieve vaginal orgasms, in particular, there can be several potential reasons for this.

Elisabeth shares that ‘not everyone has a particularly sensitive G-spot, which is often linked to vaginal orgasms. The G-spot is located a few inches inside the vagina on the front wall, and its sensitivity can vary greatly from person to person. 

‘Another reason could also be the fact that vaginal orgasms typically require targeted and consistent stimulation, which might not be achieved through standard penetrative sex. The angle, depth, and rhythm of penetration can all play crucial roles.’

She adds that you need to be mentally present and relaxed – as well as being properly aroused – and that ‘without sufficient foreplay, the areas might not be as responsive’.

You need to be able to find the erogenous zones that work for you.

Elisabeth advises spending time to explore your body alone: ‘Use your fingers or sex toys to gently touch different areas and notice how each feels, you might be surprised how sensitive areas like you ears or backs of your knees might be!’

She goes on to say that when you’re ready to explore with another person, an alternative method that works well is guiding your partner’s hands to different parts of your body and communicating openly about what feels good.

‘Tell them how intense you’d like their touch to be – light, firm, circular motions. Sensory tools like feathers, ice cubes and vibrators also help explore different sensations on your skin. Just remember to not rush the process, take your time to help understand your body better.’

If you’ve struggled to achieve the big O – do not worry at all. Elisabeth states that there are a few reasons why a certain type of orgasm might not be working for you.

5 Factors affecting your orgasm

Lack of knowledge and education

According to Elisabeth, lack of knowledge or education is the first barrier to climaxing.

‘Many women aren’t fully aware of their own anatomy and the different ways they can experience pleasure. Exploring your body and learning about these types of orgasms is the first step.’

She advises to ‘maybe grab a hand mirror and have a look down there next time!’

Psychological barriers

There are also psychological barriers to be aware of, too. Everyday things like stress and anxiety could be hindering your ability to climax.

Elisabeth adds that ’emotional well-being is crucial for sexual satisfaction’ and that ‘working through these issues and reducing feelings of stress, can be beneficial.’

Physical factors

People underestimate the impact that health issues, hormonal imbalances or even certain medications can affect your ability to orgasm.

If you suspect this might be the case, consult with a healthcare professional to get to the bottom of it.

Communication (or lack thereof)

The best sex comes with good communication. If you aren’t open with your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t, it could affect your ability to orgasm.

Many women don’t reach a climax simply because their partners aren’t aware of their needs and preferences. Don’t be afraid to state your preferences – your partner will probably appreciate you for it!

Finding your stimulation

Different women require different kinds of stimulation to reach an orgasm. What works for one person might not work for another – so it’s all about experimenting with various techniques and toys. Don’t forget to take your time and go at your own pace; you do you.

Elisabeth adds: ‘Remember, every woman’s body is unique, and so are our sexual experiences. Exploring different types of orgasm can be a journey of self-discovery and empowerment so don’t be afraid to communicate, experiment, and most importantly, enjoy the process!’

Finally, when there’s a whole day dedicated to it (though, these days, what national day isn’t there?!), it’s hard not to be overwhelmed and anxious if it doesn’t always work for you.

Should you be worried if you can’t orgasm?

Our sex expert says: ‘Absolutely not!’

Elisabeth adds: ‘Not being able to orgasm can extremely be frustrating, but it’s important not to view it as a failure. Orgasms can often be seen as the end goal of sex but it’s all about the pleasure and the connection with yourself or a partner, not just achieving orgasm. Focus on enjoying the sensations and the experience.

‘Always remember, sexuality is a complex and deeply personal experience. Understanding your body, communicating your needs, and being patient with yourself are crucial steps toward achieving a fulfilling sexual life.’

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

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