Wedding planner and venue owner Alison Rios McCrone helps solve your dilemmas, no matter how big or small, in a weekly agony aunt column.
Dear Alison,
I hope you can settle a disagreement my fiancé and I are having. We’re set to go to our friends’ wedding next weekend, which we’re really excited for – or at least I am.
My partner was, until he realised it would clash with his ability to watch the Olympics.
He’s pretty sports-mad and resents having to miss a moment of the action. He knows we have to go, so he’s not dragging his feet on that. He is, however, planning on watching snippets of his favourite sports during the day on his phone.
I cannot believe it, it’s so incredibly rude – and he just doesn’t see why.
Look, I can understand him checking the results every once in a while. A quick glance at his phone can be explained. But actually propping his phone up against a wine bottle and watching TV is disrespectful and embarrassing.
I’ve heard friends previously complain about times they’ve seen people whip their phones out at weddings before to watch the football, and I just can’t face them making similar comments about my fiancé.
Can you please reassure me I’m correct – and advise me on how I can make my partner realise what he’s doing is wrong?
Thanks,
Miranda
Dear Miranda,
I completely understand your frustration and concern. Weddings are significant events that require a lot of thought and effort by the happy couple, and your feelings about this matter are entirely valid.
While we were hosting weddings during the Euros, some guests used the opportunity to watch the football during the wedding meal or at random other times during the day, which made me think: what do the other guests at the table think when they are making small talk with everyone and one of the guests is sitting disengaged in those conversations and more engrossed in a match?
This could have made the respective brides and grooms feel very disheartened and unsupported about their special day as those guests were not showing any interest in the wedding but more interested in watching football – so you are not alone.
With that in mind, have a calm and honest conversation with your fiancé.
First, acknowledge his passion for sport and how much the Olympics means to him – then, explain why it is so important to you that he fully participates in the wedding without distractions.
Tell him your friends’ wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and that you feel it is important for everyone to be present throughout the day.
It is essential if you attend a wedding to support the happy couple – and you could even ask him how he would feel, if any of your guests were to watch sport at your upcoming wedding after you’d both put time and effort into making it the perfect day.
You can also share your worries about the impression it might leave with your friends and how it could reflect on both of you.
Let him know how uneasy the situation would make you feel and how embarrassing it would be if he constantly checked his phone in front of friends. This might change his view somewhat; but he won’t know unless you tell him.
Explain how you would prefer him to enjoy attending the wedding with you and socialising together without you feeling uncomfortable because of his desire to be distracted in front of friends.
Encourage him to enjoy the wedding and catch up on the sports action later. This way, he can fully participate and be totally present during the wedding.
If he is unwilling to do that, ask him if he could discreetly catch up on results at less formal moments during the wedding – away from other guests to avoid drawing attention to himself.
There will be moments during the day when he can check results or watch highlights during downtime – like during the drinks reception – but suggest that he does it in the loos if he needs to catch up.
Once the wedding is over, he can properly take in the Olympics. If he has not checked the results throughout the day, watching them on-demand television will be more enjoyable.
Finally, remind him of how important it is to fully support your friends on their special day and to be respectful and attentive – because that’s the main thing.
Ultimately, your approach should be about finding a balance that respects both his passion and the importance of the wedding.
If you come to this with understanding and a willingness to find common ground, hopefully, your fiancé will see the importance of being attentive on such a special day.
Best wishes
Alison
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