‘My daughter was deeply upset and filled with questions after hearing the news about the recent events in Southport. She was particularly confused by the riots that followed, asking, “Dad, why would people attack the police? Surely they are there to help,”’ David Paton tells Metro.co.uk.
Last Monday, a group of young children attended a Taylor Swift-themed event at their local dance club in Southport, Merseyside. What surely began as a fun activity at the start of the school summer holidays then quickly descended into a nightmare, as a man entered the building and launched a knife attack on the kids and the adults holding the class.
The horrific incident left Bebe King, six, Elsie Dot Stancombe, seven, and nine-year-old Alice Dasilva Aguiar dead. Eight other children were stabbed alongside two adults, who suffered serious injuries. One child remains in hospital.
The suspect, now named as 17-year-old Axel Rudakubana, has since been charged with the murders of the three girls and ten counts of attempted murder and possession of a bladed article.
In the wake of the deadly mass stabbing, the families of the victims and the wider Southport community have expressed their grief and sorrow. Taylor Swift also shared a message to the families of the victims, and people across the nation have sent their condolences.
Others, however, including the English Defence League (EDL), have hijacked the suffering of those affected by the incident, instead resorting to violence in Liverpool and across the country, using the tragic news to fuel their far-right agenda.
In light of such hard-hitting, harrowing scenes, it can be extremely difficult for parents, teachers and adults who know or work with children to navigate these topics. How do you explain the events that have taken place in a way that will help them understand, but also not raise alarm or cause anxiety?
Navigating conversations about the Southport stabbings and riots
For David Paton, headteacher of Radnor House Sevenoaks school in Kent, it was particularly tough when discussing the riots with his 11-year-old daughter.
‘She asked me: “Dad, why would people attack the police? Surely, they are there to help”, which led to a broader conversation about prejudice and the role of social media in shaping perceptions,’ he explains to Metro.co.uk.
‘Despite the challenging and somber nature of the topic, I hope it helped her understand the complexities better and be more informed for the future.’
Likewise, on hearing the news of the Southport stabbings, the 12-year-old son of families expert Chioma Fanawopo shared his concerns with his mother. He asked: ‘Why are children being killed?,’ as well as, ‘Are we safe here?’
She first asked him open-ended questions to gauge his awareness of and feelings towards the situation, before she explained to him in more detail the events that took place this week.
‘I was honest but kept things simple,’ she explains. ‘I used language that was appropriate for his age and avoided graphic details. I also clarified any misinformation he had come across on social media and encouraged him to talk about his feelings.’
Chioma, who has three boys in total, continued to monitor her youngest son’s behaviour and have regular check-ins with him, and made sure they maintained everyday activities as a family.
‘We spent quality time and engaged in comforting activities together, like reading his favourite book and playing his favourite game, and I provided extra hugs and physical closeness for reassurance.’
She also suggests that, in the instance where notable changes to sleeping, eating or behavioural habits are felt, it may be appropriate to seek help from professionals, if they continue over a sustained period.
Negative news cycles and what they mean to children
Of course, dealing with difficult conversations goes beyond the events that have unfolded this week.
11-year-old Stanley has been deeply affected by the war in Gaza. Through his mum Sarah Morris*, he tells Metro: ‘The horrific crimes that have happened in Gaza are horrible and the fact that the US and UK governments are brushing it off as something normal or victimising the oppresser is not right at all.
‘I’ve seen through media that it’s people my age that are impacted heavily. They have no clue what’s going on and if it were me I’d be scared for my life – it’s terrifying.’
Sarah has encouraged Stanley to stay informed, but is aware that the developing situation can be heavy, to say the least. ‘There’s been a lot of anguish, tears and anger. He understands but he cannot comprehend what’s going on,’ she says.
These conversations can be even harder when talking to neurodiverse children and those with behavioural disorders, as parent-child interaction therapist Jessi Gholami notes.
During the Covid-19 pandemic, a six-year-old patient with special educational needs asked her: ‘Are all the grown-ups going to die?’
‘It was clear he had picked up on the prevalent fear and anxiety that so many of us were feeling and witnessing at the time, and, quite understandably, he was really afraid and struggling to make sense of what was happening,’ she tells Metro.
Jessi responded by first validating his feelings, agreeing it was a scary time for everyone. Then she provided what she felt was an age-appropriate, reassuring explanation.
‘I told him, “Most people who get sick from this virus get better, especially if they’re young and healthy like Mummy and Daddy. The doctors and scientists are working very hard to help keep everyone safe and you don’t need to be so afraid. We’re all going to help each other get through this together.”‘
As a Michigan-based social worker, Jessi also recalls a particularly difficult moment following a widely-reported school shooting in the US.
She says: ‘I was asked by an eight-year-old, “What if a bad guy comes to my school?”.
‘I told her that it’s normal to feel scared when hearing about something like this. But her school has lots of grown-ups whose job is to help keep students safe. They have special plans to protect everyone, just like practicing fire drills, and the most important thing is to always listen carefully and follow what your teachers say to do, to be safe.’
For Jessi, the most important thing she did in both these conversations was reinforce a sense of security. Then she encouraged the children to think of what they could do to make themselves feel better.
‘I suggested thinking of three things they could do when feeling scared in any type of situation, like taking deep breaths to calm down, thinking about their favourite place, or simply giving themselves a big hug,’ she says. ‘Providing simple coping strategies like these helps to build resilience and gives children a sense of agency over their emotions during difficult times.’
A change in approach
It’s also worth noting how our approach to talking to kids about these types of events has changed over time.
Although not a parent herself, London-based 32-year-old Lucy Matthews* recalls how she felt during the 9/11 attacks in 2001, when she was 9 years old.
‘I remember our teacher getting called out of the classroom after lunch and returning with a solemn expression on her face. She then told us that a really bad thing had just happened in America, but that we were safe,’ she explains.
‘When I got home, my parents had the news on but told my older siblings to take me out into the garden to play. It wasn’t really a thing we discussed much at home, but I saw that same, horrifying footage of the planes colliding with the Twin Towers over and over. Though we didn’t have social media then, that image flashed across every channel, was on every news stand… It was inescapable.’
Lucy reflects: ‘While they were trying to protect me, the lack of acknowledgement from my parents heightened my sense of confusion and fear, I think. I didn’t understand it at all and had never heard the word “terrorism” before that point – plus adults were clearly deeply disturbed by the event, which made me think “something’s really not right here.”
‘It was scary and I just cried whenever I was alone – even though I didn’t fully comprehend the gravity of the situation. I also picked up some obsessive behaviours, like biting my nails and checking under my bed before I went to sleep. It sort of took over everything I did and thought about.
‘In the weeks that followed, it was my teachers at school who took it upon themselves to talk to us kids. I can’t remember them going into lots of detail per se, but they held special assemblies and took us out onto the field to ask us how we felt about everything – some of my classmates had parents and older siblings in the Armed Forces and there was talk of them potentially being called up to go to Iraq.’
She concludes: ‘On reflection, I really wish my parents had dealt with it differently. How I felt and how they approached it wasn’t their fault necessarily – that was just the done thing back then. But I do think I was mature enough to hear the truth, even if it was a diluted version. And had they explained it to me, I probably wouldn’t have been so afraid.’
*Names have been changed
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