I asked the love of my life to marry me — but it was 10 years too late

Whether simple or extravagant, engagement stories are a timeless classic – something married couples might recount years after tying the knot.

But sometimes, proposals don’t always go to plan. Best case scenario? They figure it all out ahead of time and aren’t surprised when the question does get popped.

Worst case scenario? They reject it, as was the devastating experience of one Redditor who took ‘too long’ to propose to his girlfriend.

‘I proposed to my girlfriend of 10 years yesterday, and she said no because I took too long,’ @Inevitable_Stand_240’s post in the offmychest Reddit thread read.

‘I was so excited. I proposed. I handed her the ring. She looked like she was going to cry.

‘Then she said “Sorry, I don’t think we should get married.” I asked her why and she said something along the lines of “I’ll always be the girl you took a decade to decide if I was wifey material. I don’t know how to be happy with that reality.

‘I really f***ed up. Now the woman I love isn’t willing to be my wife. I don’t know what the f*** to do.’

Naturally, the comments were inundated with questions about whether they’d ever discussed marriage beforehand.

‘Was it something that yous did talk about years ago and the discussions slowed?’ @Dull_Negotiation_314 asked, while @Three-Legged-Spider mused: ‘When the fighting stopped, the resentment set in.’

‘Her answer speaks volumes. She has tucked away her dreams, hopes and wishes. It is simply not fair to her to know she did not mean enough to him to get engaged and married in 10 years,’ a less sympathetic observation from @stinstin555 added.

So, is there any way to know when it’s the ‘right’ time to get engaged? In 2021, a YouGov poll found that 58% of Britons believed that waiting around two years was sufficient, while 3% thought that five years or more was more appropriate.

As sex and relationships expert Rhian Kivits tells Metro.co.uk, there aren’t technically any ‘rules’ around timelines, but getting engaged can be a significant milestone for many couples.

‘For most it marks a steadfast commitment, an intention to spend the rest of their lives together and it is usually a stepping stone towards marriage that feels fairly formal,’ Rhian explains.

‘In today’s world, engagement is what we decide we want it to be. Some people will be engaged and choose never to get married – we can’t assume.’

But what happens when one partner isn’t ready to get engaged, or as we’ve seen in the case of this Reddit post, takes ‘too long’ to pop the question?

According to Rhian, they might be ‘anticipating the next step and uncertain about whether they want marriage in the future’ or ‘simply need more time to explore the relationship.’

‘We must always climb a mountain at the pace of the slowest person, otherwise, the expedition fails. The last thing anybody wants would be an engagement that falls apart,’ Rhian adds.

‘If one person isn’t yet ready, the couple would benefit from talking about it and sharing their feelings, but readiness cannot be rushed so it’s advisable to wait.’

And, in a situation like this one where a partner has declined a proposal for ‘waiting too long’ to even ask, Rhian suggests that this could be symbolic of ‘deeper problems’ in the relationship.

‘I am wondering if this might suggest that the person feels resentment at not being engaged sooner and is feeling cynical, because engagement no longer feels of value to them or because they doubt their partner’s sincerity,’ she says.

‘It’s okay to want whatever they want, but clarity and shared expectations are important.’

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