Word on the street is that Oasis is reuniting, with the Gallagher brothers rumoured to have patched up their decades-long feud for a series of gigs in 2025.
It’s not yet confirmed, but Liam, 51, offering a rare compliment to Noel, 57, at Reading Festival this weekend – calling him ‘the greatest songwriter’, no less – was a pretty big hint that their relationship is on the right track.
After years of conflict, Noel left the band in 2009 saying, ‘I simply could not go on working with Liam a day longer.’ And aside from sharing jibes about one another in interviews or on social media, they’ve been estranged ever since.
If you’ve cut contact with a family member, you’ll likely have considered whether the right thing to do is to forgive and forget, but coming to that decision isn’t easy.
Naturally, there are some bridges that aren’t meant to be rebuilt.
If you’re wondering whether to Stop Crying Your Heart Out and Let There Be Love, though, there are some signs a reconciliation might be on the cards.
According to counselling Directory member Anthony Purnell, the original reason for a fallout can sometimes become less important when something seismic happens in the family.
‘This can put into perspective the importance of family connections,’ he tells Metro.co.uk. ‘If there is a mutuality in this, then the parties have good ground on which to build.’
That said, ‘all parties may feel that they have processed their anger surrounding a disagreement and feel in a place where they can discuss it openly, while also keep sight of the ultimate goal (reconnection) and be able to genuinely put the disagreement behind them.’
It may feel safe to reconnect due to how other family members will react, as Anthony explains: ‘Disagreements are not seldom contained to those that are directly embroiled in them and can position family members as “allies” or “foes” who may see the reconnection as either a welcome development or as some kind of betrayal.’
Rather than a disagreement, if someone in the family has wronged us, and their transgression is the root cause of the estrangement, there could still be a chance to patch things up – as long as they’re willing to offer more than a hollow apology.
‘My own philosophy lies with the old saying “actions speak louder than words”, and the difference between espousal (what I say…) and embodiment (what I actually do…),’ says Anthony.
‘It is not enough that someone says sorry or that they will change, there needs to be evidence through changing our behaviour.’
And what about the red flags that could mean building bridges isn’t a great idea?
Anthony says these include, ‘a refusal to acknowledge any wrongdoing (within reason)’ ‘any form of abusive behaviour,’ ‘where there is nothing to be gained from the relationship, or it is exploitative.’
‘Also if your motivation to reconnect is based on the wishes of others,’ he adds. ‘The reconciliation provides comfort for them but still has a detrimental effect on the family members in conflict.’
When asked about things that should never be forgiven, Anthony says: ‘I would say that any behaviour that was so extreme (for example, sexual abuse, physical violence) that it caused an individual severe harm would mean that person would be in the right to not grant their abuser forgiveness.
‘Other than that, the decision to grant forgiveness lies with the one who has felt wronged.’
How to go about reconciling
So, if you’ve clocked green flags instead of red ones, here’s how you should proceed.
First off, respect for boundaries is key, with Anthony explaining: ‘This demonstrates that you respect the other as a person in their own right.
‘In a democracy, the right of self-determination is a cornerstone of the political ideology, and in families, it is useful that this is observed too.
‘For example, the parent-child relationship is not the same as sibling-sibling. In the parent-child relationship, this may involve a parent respecting a child’s need to forge their own destiny, or siblings understanding that parents shift their boundaries regarding dealing with sibling rivalries.
‘Respecting relationship definitions can help those in conflict come to an understanding of how their relationship needs to change in order to reconnect.’
You should also be careful with how you speak to each other, making sure to share your feelings in a way that doesn’t constantly place blame on others.
Anthony says: ‘Speak from the “I” position – “I felt angry,” “I feel frustrated”, “I felt sad”, etc. This helps to take responsibility for your own feelings and avoids accusatory language which causes the conversation to become unproductive and cumbersome for both sides.
‘Avoid using insults – they are just an attempt to make someone feel bad but do not actually add anything of value. This may also lead to an adversarial communication style where the aim is to dominate the other – this approach just leads to all involved feeling angry, hurt and unheard.’
He recommends actively listening to hear rather than to simply respond, and sticking to the issue at hand. Once you’ve agreed to draw a line in the sand, the conversation should then focus on how the relationship with move forward.
‘Treat each other with respect and remember we see the world through our own lens and making assumptions about what is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ can be problematic,’ Anthony continues. ‘Human experiences, as with ethics, are largely subjective.’
As well as how you speak to each other, there are certain things that Anthony says should be spoken about: ‘How has the falling out maybe changed the nature of the relationship with the family member? Discuss how the conflict has affected all parties.’
He advises opening up about how issues like family values, beliefs or levels of connection have made it difficult to reach out, and who the ‘gatekeepers’ – ‘when a family member feels they cannot have a relationship with A because B holds sway over A’ – are to the relationship.
‘Talk about how the relationship is not working and begin to find new ways to connect that all parties can be comfortable with,’ Anthony adds.
‘Not all relationships work in the same way, so it can be helpful to discuss what for works for you both. Expectations surrounding what level of connection the parties want should be based on what is appropriate to the definition of the relationship.’
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