When we’re focused on doing the deed, finding the right words to enhance the experience isn’t always easy.
Will you come across too strong? Or worse, give your partner the ick?
Sex educator and sex toy shop owner, AJ Papadatos, recently came to the rescue of his ‘gentlemen’ followers on TikTok with some suggestions.
His phrases included ‘You’re taking it so well,’ ‘that feels good doesn’t it,’ and ‘you’re mine’, while a firm favourite in the comments was: ‘I know baby, I know.’
One commenter said: ‘Omg all these. If someone said “I know baby, I know” I would be undone.’
Another user agreed, saying: ‘I would actually explode.’
These phrases seem to be targeted for those who have a ‘princess complex’ also known as a ‘praise kink’.
People with this preference enjoy letting their partner take control. Outside the bedroom, it can look like your significant other taking your shoes off for you, opening the car door and even buckling you in. While between the sheets, it can become a BDSM style relationship – where the ‘princess’ can take on a number of roles, such as a ‘brat’ or ‘submissive’. And, when used in a way that both parties consent to, it can make for great sex.
AJ’s last suggestions tap into this specifically, offering up phrases such as ‘princess’ or saying ‘how’s that feel princess’
However, these kind of male-dominant versions of dirty talk aren’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea. And, while AJ says it’s important to ‘find out and communicate with your girl to see if she’s got a degrading kink or a praise kink,’ not every woman fits into either/or.
Dr Melissa Cook, relationships expert and psychologist, tells Metro.co.uk that if you want to incorporate dirty talk in the bedroom, you might want to have a chat with your partner before hand.
‘The best way to approach this subject with a partner is to be open-minded and let your partner share their thoughts and preferences without feeling pressured,’ she says.
‘You could start by saying something like: “I’ve been thinking about ways we can spice things up. How do you feel about incorporating some playful or sexy talk during our intimate time?”‘
She adds that you can ask specifically what words or phrases your partner is turned on by or what turns them off – this way you don’t kill the mood or upset your partner.
Melissa explains: ‘This conversation will help establish boundaries and ensure you and your partner are on the same page. To make the conversation feel more natural and less intimidating, show genuine interest and be willing to listen.’
The suggestions that AJ gave on TikTok could very well be suited to you and your partner.
‘Some people might want to explore dominant dirty talk, which involves using assertive, controlling, and often explicit language to create a power dynamic during sexual activity, where one partner takes on a dominant role and the other a submissive one,’ Melissa says.
But as we said, it’s not for everyone.
Melissa adds: ‘This type of dirty talk can be thrilling for those who enjoy power dynamics, but if it’s not consensual, the methods used to create a power dynamic during sexual activity can be harmful, trigger a negative emotional response and lead to feelings of fear and discomfort.’
The expert also shared that safe words are a great way to regulate dirty talk in bed, as is regularly checking in with how you’re both feeling before and after sex.
You also need to be prepared that your partner may not enjoy dirty talk at all, and this is perfectly normal.
‘It can be distracting and uncomfortable for some,’ says Melissa. ‘For example, explicit language or discussing sexual acts in detail can cause discomfort, which stems from a variety of sources,’ she explains.
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‘Fear of judgment can also be something that plays a part in not enjoying dirty talk as well as feeling emotionally vulnerable. Not everyone is willing or comfortable embracing the openness required.’
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Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.
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