My ex wants me back — but he still wants to sleep with other women

If you’ve ever been heartbroken, you’ve not doubt longed for the moment your ex begs for another chance.

And this reader got her wish, when her ex-boyfriend confessed that he wanted to give their relationship another go.

Only, it came with a rather big caveat: he still wanted to sleep with other people.

Read the advice below, and before you go, don’t forget to check out last week’s dilemma, from a reader who is upset that his perfect life with his wife – and mistress – is about to unravel.

The problem…

I was with the same guy for nearly three years, but just before Christmas we broke up. He initiated the split, saying our relationship had become stale, and that he needed his freedom. 

I was devastated, but with the help of friends and family, I thought I was over the worst of it.

However, last week we bumped into one another in a local pub, and I realised how much he still meant to me. We sat and chatted and I could feel the love there; not just from me, but from him too. He seemed genuinely sad about what we had lost.

The next day he called and asked to meet up. I was excited at the thought of seeing him, and really thought we would reconcile.

Unfortunately, the date didn’t turn out as I hoped. Basically, he said he still loves me and wants to get back together, but in an open relationship. He said he likes the freedom of seeing other girls, although none will ever be as special as me.

Apparently, lots of his friends have open relationships and it’s quite common nowadays. He doesn’t mind me seeing other guys, as long as he is the number one.

I was so shocked and hurt by what he said, but at the same time I do want to get back with him. I wonder if this is just a phase he’ll grow out of and if I’d be mad to turn my back on him.

The advice…

On the contrary, you’d be mad to go along with his plan.

Don’t settle for a man who expects you to share him with other women, and who is supposedly happy to share you with other guys. What does that say about his true feelings?

I’m sure he’s made the prospect of an open relationship sound wonderful – and for some couples, who are both interested in non-monogamy these types of relationships can be healthy, and thriving.

But in this case, the set up is just giving him everything he wants, while you’re left feeling, as you said, shocked and upset. He gets to hang on to you, whilst having the freedom to see different girls too.

Please don’t go along with his selfish scheme, just because you think this is the only way you can revive your relationship and hang on to him. The jealousy you’d experience every time he was out on dates, would just make you feel wretched.

Your ex might say he still loves you, but if he’s determined to carry on seeing other girls then I’m sorry, he doesn’t love you enough.

Your friends and family were there to support you after the split, but have you told them about this? If not, then you should. I’m willing to bet that no one will agree you should get back together on his self-serving terms, so listen to the advice of people close to you.

This guy clearly doesn’t believe in fidelity, so don’t waste time hoping he’ll change and make yourself miserable in the process. There are other men out there who won’t want to share you, which sounds more like the kind of relationship you really want and deserve.

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