My friend invited me to her wedding but her mum’s said I’m not welcome

Wedding planner and venue owner Alison Rios McCrone helps solve your dilemmas, no matter how big or small, in a weekly agony aunt column.

Hi Alison, 

I’ve got a bit of a dilemma. 

My friend is getting married in a lovely part of the Scottish Highlands in a few months – but it’s very remote, and everyone will have to stay overnight at least one day in order to make it.

My problem is that there are only two hotels in the area – one, where the wedding is taking place, and another around 10 minutes walk away. However both are wildly out of my budget.

I thought I had found a solution because my husband and I own a large tent and regularly stay in campsites all over the country. We found one near to the venue with showers and space to get changed.

However, when I brought this up to the maid-of-honour and the mother of the bride they were outraged. They said it was tacky, that I ‘owed’ it to my friend to find the money for one of the hotels, and that if I was going to stay ‘outside’ I shouldn’t be going to the wedding at all.

I’m heartbroken! I love my friend and want to go to her wedding, but I’m shocked at the response of two of the people closest to her. I think it is just snobbery (they are from a wealthy background) and I think there’s nothing wrong with camping, but now I don’t know what to do.

Should I go to my friend? I don’t want to burden her but I feel, as it stands, that I’m not welcome at the wedding and I don’t know what else to do.

Cheers,

Sandra

Dear Sandra,

I completely understand your dilemma. Firstly, though, I want to assure you that there is nothing inherently ‘tacky’ about camping, especially if it allows you to be present for your friend’s special day without causing financial strain.

In fact, we’ve seen plenty of guests do the same when they’ve attended weddings with us.

Our wedding venue is in a rural location in Scotland, and additional accommodation can vary considerably in distance and price.

As a result, we’ve seen it all. We have had guests come and camp locally, stay in camper vans, local bed-and-breakfasts, budget hotels, Airbnb, self-catering accommodation, or travel further afield to find something that fits their budget.

It is unfortunate that, in your case, the maid of honour and the bride’s mother reacted to your decision to camp in that way – but try not to take it to heart.

While they may feel that staying in a hotel is the only option, it is essential to remember that everyone has different financial circumstances and priorities.

If you are worried that any conflict may make things difficult on the day, you may want to consider alternative options that are a short drive away and which may be more affordable. 

If you want to try and see if there is another option, it might be worth speaking to your friend, the bride, about your plans to camp, and if she opposes, see if she knows of any more affordable accommodation close to the venue. She may even have been able to secure a discounted rate with her wedding venue.

Her venue may also have some recommendations for affordable possibilities if they are all booked up.  

It would be worth asking her if there is a local taxi company that could take you back to your accommodation if you or your husband decide to drink alcohol during the day. There are usually some transport options, but they are very limited in rural locations and get booked up quickly.

If you know other guests attending the wedding, consider renting a nearby house or cottage for a group, which can often be more economical than individual hotel rooms.

However – if camping is your best option, stick with your plan. It is my view that you don’t need to secure anyone’s permission to camp. The maid-of-honour and mother of the bride don’t have the right to disinvite you and unless you tell them again, they won’t be any the wiser about where you’re staying. 

Wherever you decide to stay is unimportant, and ultimately, no one’s opinion should force you to change your plans, especially if that’s not what’s best for you.

It doesn’t sound as though your friend, the bride, would mind in the slightest where you stay; and regardless, your presence at the wedding is what truly counts, not where you sleep in order to be there in the first place. 

True friends will appreciate your efforts and understand your circumstances.

Wishing you a wonderful day at your friend’s wedding.

Best wishes,

Alison

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

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