We’re being told our periods give us superpowers – I don’t want to hear it

‘S**t, I’m on my period for camping.’

I was comparing my social calendar with my period tracking app, like I’m sure most people who bleed do. 

It was then that I realised that my period coincided with a camping trip for a pal’s birthday. 

I was gutted. I had horrific visions of having diarrhoea in a portaloo and coming on in my sleeping bag. The thought of only having a baby wipe wash to deal with gushes of blood, or having hot flushes and cramps in a tent, made me feel nauseous.

But, it couldn’t be helped. I just had to live with it – and soldier on, as ever.

Yet still, I keep seeing all these ‘good news’ stories about how I somehow perform ‘better’ on my period.

According to new research, women apparently perform cognitively better and make fewer mistakes while on their period. 

A recent study by University College London and the Institute of Sport, Exercise and Health discovered that women showed slower reaction times and poorer timing anticipation between ovulation and menstruation (the luteal phase).

But, while on their period, it found that its female respondents were quicker at reacting and made fewer mistakes,

Great. But, honestly, who the f**k cares?

From when I came on my period in my early teens, I’ve been planning and preparing my life around my cycle. 

For exams, first days at work, anniversaries, big birthdays, festivals, holidays, weddings, funerals. Even down to minor occasions in my everyday routine and social life, like gym sessions, or coffees with friends.

I’ve predicted and planned in advance about how I could cope with the pain, tiredness or debilitating side-effects on an important day or event. I’ve even rescheduled with a friend in advance to avoid having to cancel at the last minute.

It’s not just me, either. A friend told me that she recently took an over-the-counter pill to delay her period so it wouldn’t start while on a hiking trip. Her body punished her for it afterwards by gracing her with the worst cramps, nausea and bleeding she’s ever experienced – as well as a longer cycle.

Relying on a period tracking app has helped with planning, but cycles are predictably unpredictable – beginning early or late due to stress, age, hormonal imbalance, illness, or just for no reason whatsoever.

Even this summer, I was elated to have my period two weeks earlier than expected as it meant I wouldn’t be bleeding while on holiday with my in-laws.

Before that, I’d worried myself sick about bleeding through my bikini. About whether I could fit enough tampons in my allotted hand luggage, or if I could wear my white summer dress. 

If I’d potentially miss quality time with my family while being curled up in bed with searing spasms ricocheting throughout my entire body. 

If I’d paid for an expensive week abroad just to either be in pain, or resting from it.

I’d even Googled if I could go in the pool while on my period without turning the resort into a scene from Jaws (turns out water pressure can temporarily stop your flow, who knew!).

These are the very real, and very common, mental, physical and emotional stresses people who bleed going through on a monthly basis.

Even if recent research is true, and being on your period can help cognitive function, I am absolutely sick of these so-called ‘good news’ stories. Bored of these studies into women’s so-called abilities or enhancements when it comes to periods. 

To me, it perpetuates this idea that women shouldn’t complain about or campaign for more rights around their period as research says they’re actually ‘better’ on it, and for it.

Some days, I bleed through my clothes, want to throw up, can’t eat, can’t sleep, feel like I’m going to s**t myself, or just want to rest as I can’t leave the house because I’m in so much pain. 

So, frankly, I find it patronising that studies are being funded to disprove women and people that bleed.

Surely, it’s more important to be investing in how to tackle period poverty, or making steps in medicine and healthcare to better help those who bleed that struggle on their periods. 

If anything, this new research makes me feel alienated. It makes me feel like I can’t even do periods ‘right’.

Am I weird that I still make mistakes at work while I’m bleeding?

Is it odd that I haven’t had the mental capacity to whiz through my chores in record time? 

Is it wrong that I just want to lay in bed when I should apparently be saving the world and getting a promotion, or breaking a World Record while I’m at it?

Sadly, I can see research like this being distorted and moulded into just another excuse for men to use when women complain of period pain. Or for workplaces to use to reject days off for period sickness – to essentially tell bleeders to stop whinging, and start working harder.

It just feels like another reason for women to try to be ‘better’ – whatever that looks like for men.

Honestly, I don’t even know if my mental agility is better, or if I make fewer mistakes, when I’m bleeding. And honestly, I don’t care – and neither should anyone else.

We’re not superhumans, so stop trying to turn us into one.

Seriously, just leave us to bleed in bed in peace, without feeling bad for it.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

Share your views in the comments below.

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